Anger and Control in Family

Families are interesting thing in themselves. Now, I do not have children or a husband, but I have a family that loves me sometimes. I don’t have any brothers or grandparents, but I understand how they can work at times. As a woman, I have no idea personally how a male bond can work out. There is a different bond between a father and son versus a father and daughter. The mind of a child can seem a bit too much. There is no filter or regard for safety with children. They have to learn about restriction and safety from adults. Children can bring you joy and migraines. They can cause joy and pain to a marriage(you know this already, even though you won’t say it). There are things that can break a marriage(finances, lack of communication, and children). Children can show the real dichotomy of a mother and father, and the realness of each parent. They can also highlight the things that are missing from the relationship between the parents.

Sometimes, a parent will feel like they are failing as a parent. They can feel like they had a horrible relationship with their own parents and they don’t want to repeat the mistakes of their parents. When a guy comes from a family with no father present, there may some form of rejection in their minds. When the guy has children of their own, there are 2 options. They can either ben absentee fathers like their own, or be the dad that they wish they had. It may appear that the latter is doing too much or being extra involved. The former, they are doing what they know. In both cases, they are doing what they think is best for themselves and the children. This can make many people very angry at them and me for saying this. Let me tell you about that anger.

Anger is an emotion that is often expressed in extremes. This can have an effect on a person’s emotional and physical health. Think about this from the person with the absent family. They could feel like that have been belittled or their self-esteem has been damaged. There is a failure to meet their own expectation or moral values are stepped on. They may find themselves in a situation in which they feel helpless or powerless. I want you to remember that anger is a natural and instinctive human emotion. It is the most powerful and potentially destructive of all emotions.

Anger can spread throughout a family like wildfire. Families can hold grudges because of the actions of an outsider towards one person in that family. There are signs of unexpressed anger that you should look out for in your family. If a family member is depressed, being irresponsible or forgetful, there is withdrawal or being quiet at certain times, or any abuse of drugs or alcohol, talk to them or get them help. Anger has so many physical side effects that you would need to look out for.

If you see any of these, seek medical attention:

• Headaches

• Respiratory disorders

• Skin disorders

• Arthritis

• Gastrointestinal disorder

• Nervous system disabilities

• Circulatory disorders

• Emotional disturbances

• Urinary disorders

• Aggravation of existing physical symptoms

• Suicide

To keep the family connected and free of anger, it takes a lot of courage and communication. Courage is a hard thing to figure out. You can have courage based on a dumb idea or a mistake. You may know best, but maybe you do not. Look at the context of the situation before making a final decision. Focus on the solution and story’s details. There may have been something in the situation’s story that has fed you the courage to fix your family.

Want to talk personally? Send an email to narrativetherapygirl@mail.com

#anger #family