Ladies, listen up. Part 2

Apr 21, 2017
3 min read

As a single woman, I have learned so much from my married friends. I will share a bit of this with you. Maybe it can help or you can relate.

Don’t hold his personality against him. What I mean is that if he is more social than you, enjoy this. Allow him to be himself. He will let you do you, why can’t you do the same? Something about that personality attracted him to you, so why cut that part or remove that part of him?
Don’t weight his talents and personality against him or yourself. We tend to think that our way is best, but this is not always true(and we know it). There are qualities you wish were different, I get that. But if we keep wishing that these qualities were different, everything else may fall by the wayside. If we were all the same, what would be the point of having relationships in the first place?
There are characteristics about ourselves that change when we get older. The person you married at 26 will not be the same person at 56. That’s just life. Except this and move on. I have learned that people like to rest on their laurels for a bit of time in their marriage. It is no longer about romance. It becomes similar to having a roommate. If your husband has set aside certain years, give another chance. He might even know that this is going on. Did you ever think that maybe he got so comfortable with the relationship that was put in place that he wanted to keep it going? Don’t allow yourself to become mad or bitter, or even resentful. Invest in your relationship, spice things up a bit. Keep your mind open and your heart soft.
Be thankful for your spouse. If there is no habit of verbal thankfulness, anything else you say will seem like criticism. Guys want to feel appreciated too. So if he is not getting that at home, he may search for it apart from you.
If you mothering him, stop it. If you want to stifle a man’s conversational interest, mother him. But you cannot get mad if he catches onto this and he gets angry. Women tend to show love by mothering, but this is not how your guy will see it. To me, it shows that the wife doubts the husband’s ability to take care of themselves. If you are doing everything for them, why get mad when they want to do for themselves or start to seem like a child to you? This is an issue of control, which would lead to resentment.
Silence can be golden if you do not insist it to be otherwise. Silence is so misunderstood in relationships. Men don’t mind it, women can’t stand it. Remember that men don’t read minds, so if you want them to know it, just say it. Keep it simple, short, and no flowery details that you know he finds to be unimportant. If you know your husband, you know what to exclude.