Girl Hate and Bullying

Jun 16, 2017
5 min read

The evolutionary theory says that girls hate each other because we are in constant competition for reproduction. We are fighting for the superior men to procreate the best children for survival of the species. Some researchers say that girls’ tendency to hurt each other in underhanded ways-like giving a friend the cold shoulder or spreading rumors- can be traced to primitive instinct (Burton, 2009). Our brains are wired different as well. Girls have a tendency to remember and hold on to more things for a long period of time. We hold onto grudges for the longest time. Girls’ hormones affect our brains. They change during menstrual cycles and this affects behavior. There are times when girls want to bond and other times when girls want to kill each other.

Why is there all of this girl on girl crime? Look to what you see on television. Take the “reality” television as an example. Girl fights and screaming battles are what people remember most. (thanks to vh1, we got plenty to choose from) or any of the Housewives shows. They are flipping tables, throwing drinks on people, screaming in faces, and fighting in self-started situations. I remember going to a tryout for the Real World (I was so dumb in those days). I remember them asking me if I ever got into a girl fight. I said no. The casting people looked down at their notes in disappointment. If they wanted angry black girl stereotype filled, they were not going to get it from me. I am a proud nerd. I have been bullied. I can swear with the best, but I choose not to. I choose to not fight or get into scrapes with people. I choose to avoid confrontation. I refuse to push that stereotype about women. I have only a few female friends and I want to keep them. Girl hate is a combination of genetics and society. But so is the stoppage of the girl hate.

I said before that I have been bullied. Most of my bullies were girls. I think that there was only 1 or 2 boys that picked on me. By my junior year, my classmates had matured a bit and we became cool with each other. I had friends on the football team, debate team, and in the band. I was friends with stoners, athletes, nerds, and everyone in between. Mostly, this was done between 6-10th grades. These years were pure hell. I was put in lockers, pushed down a flight of stairs, clothes were stolen, teased in front of staff who did nothing, and had my hair pulled on a daily basis. I have forgiven all of my tormentors. I have seen what kind of hell they had in their family lives. They were taking their anger out on me. It is not okay, but I get it. The worst one was in junior high. She was horrible. In my junior high, we had giant lockers that we had to share with a classmate. I had this girl who was a foreign exchange student from Nigeria. She had a disorder that most people did not understand, but her clothes would have a car battery smell to it. I found out that I now have this same issue in my 30s. The entire locker would end up smelling like this. So my bully would smell it and push me into it. She would call me names based off of the smell. She would find perfume bottles and throw them at me in the gym locker room. She made me hate that entire year of school.

I don’t talk to the locker mate anymore, but I have run into the bully as an adult. I had just finished my Associate degree and starting the Bachelor degree. I had myself together. I had just come back from a black tie event and I had to run into a grocery store with my boyfriend. I literally RAN INTO HER. She just looked like she gave up on life. She had 4 kids and they were all just screaming and running around. She looked exhausted. It was around 11pm in the store. She had on pajama pants, slippers with socks, torn shirt, and her hair in a bonnet. She was tired. She looked at me and cried. I just held her in my arms. My boyfriend took the kids and got them some treats. We stood there for about 20 minutes. I could tell that she just felt bad about everything. She could see that even though I had to deal with horrible stuff, I could still rise above it and do great things for myself. I told her that I was in college and that I planned on getting married to my boyfriend. She told me that her boyfriend left her and the kids a year ago. She lost her home and had to move in with her mom.

For years, I wanted to hate her. But that night, I learned that she hated herself. I learned that the years of bullying don’t define me. It is my actions and way to rise above it, that is what defines me. It is not about what people will call you or say to you, it is about what you answer or respond to. I have not seen her since, but I hear that she is doing better. I heard that she got married not too long ago and her kids are happy and healthy. I may not have married that guy, but I have so much to be grateful for. I want to tell every person that is a bully(yes, this includes adult bullies), you don’t have to fight for your place in line for a trip to the slaughterhouse. Just because you have issues at home or you have things that others may want, it does not give you permission to taunt other people. For those who are being bullied, I will not say that things will get better. That’s what your mother is for. I will say that sometimes, there are people who know not what they do. There are people who don’t know better. They think that this is how life is supposed to be. If you don’t forgive their stupid behavior, you will never move on properly. Don’t hold onto their past markings, invest in your future. Use that energy you would have put into hating that person into something else. That girl hate will burn you alive.