Couples Therapy

Couples therapy is fun and a challenge. I read this book a while ago that talked about the Gottman couples therapy method. It breaks down the principles of effective couples therapy. Inside the book, there are 10 principles the therapists follow. Here’s the list for you:

• Use research-based methods to treat couples

• Assess first, then decide on treatment

• Understand each partner’s inner world

• Map your treatment route

• Soothe yourself, then intervene

• Process past regrettable incidents

• Replace the four horsemen with gentle conflict management skills

• Strengthen friendship and intimacy

• Suspend moral judgment when treating affairs

• Dive deep to create shared meaning

(Gottman & Gottman, 2015).

People tend to skip couples therapy before they get married. They will try to only get help when it is too late. There is a reason why some places require premarital counseling! The goal of couples therapy is to help the people in the relationship gain a perspective and create communication skills that will translate into marriage.

People need to realize that relationships will change when you get married. There is something about a silly piece of paper that changes people. Yes, there are benefits to getting married. Yeah, I can get better health insurance and see my man in the hospital. But there are downsides to marriage. You want to kill your marriage, bring on the children, real estate and increase in income.

There is an amount of trust and friendship that needs to be included in a marriage that most people forget. I think that people look forward more to the wedding day than the actual marriage. They are ready for the party, but not the work. Marriage requires a lot of work. Maintaining this relationship is like holding someone to a long-standing contract. If one person is not holding up their end, the contract is going to become null and void.

Gottman couples therapy looks at this thing called the sound relationship house theory. In this theory, the couple has to build back the fondness and admiration system by expressing respect and affection in the small moments. The couple has to relearn how to allow positive sentiment and take negativity so personally; honor their partner’s life goals and build rituals of connections. The house theory has two weight-bearing walls (trust & commitment) that are important to hold onto the couples’ every interaction (Gottman & Gottman, 2015).

I will see everyone next time, and tell your story. Feel free to shoot an email to narrativetherapygirl@gmail.com!

What up APA citations!!!!

the book that I read______

Gottman, J. S., & Gottman, J. M. (2015). 10 principles for doing effective couples therapy (1st ed.). New York, NY: W. W. Norton & Company.

Gottman, J. M., & Gottman, J. S. (2015). Gottman couple therapy. In J. L. Lebow & D. K. Snyder (Eds.), Clinical handbook of couple therapy (5th ed., pp. 129-160). New York, NY: Guilford Press.

#therapy #couples #Gottman