Dinner Party Lesson

I went to dinner with my godson and his family. He is 15 years old. He is a football and volleyball player, so he is constantly working on his figure and has a lot of energy. He is loud and aggressive. I don’t know how many times that he wants to wrestle with his cousin in the sitting room. I don’t know how many times I rolled my eyes after he ignored my wishes to stop before he broke something. But I noticed something during a conversation. He lives a life in which he feels like he is being ignored.

I noticed several times when he was shut down by the women in his life. I noticed that he was constantly defending himself. After a bit, I can see how tiring this can be for both parties. There was a time when his grandmother said that he drinks 6-8 gallons a milk every week. I know she was exaggerating this, but it brought up something interesting. What is the difference between satisfying needs and gluttony? She said that he is the advertisement for gluttony. He said that he drinks it so much because of his athletics. His uncle came to his defense. I came to his defense later on. As someone who did sports in high school, I can understand the need to bulk up naturally, the caloric intake, and the dairy process in workouts. She has no idea what it is like to deal with vitamin or caloric depletion when you work out. He is in the gym 5 days a week, on the field for 4 days a week, and he has to maintain weight and strength in order to stay on the team for now. All she saw is that she is in the grocery store every week buying so much food and wondering where it goes. All she saw is that she spends hundreds of dollars every month on groceries.

There was another point when we talked about music. I grew up in the 90s. He is in high school now, while I graduated in 2000. We had music that was all about the message. The music had subjects of racism, sexism, love, generational gaps, and gender diversity. Today, there is more of a lack of message or character in music. It is all about image and demeaning others. Today, there are very few artists that have music in which there is power behind the lyrics. It is all about money, sex, status, and food. If I hear one more song about beating up the vagina, I just may scream in disgust. YOU DON’T BEAT IT, YOU MAKE LOVE TO IT. There is something condescending toward women in the popular music today.

Unfortunately, my godson loves the music today. I can’t tell you any names of the rappers that he likes minus Drake, Lil Wayne and someone named DJ Khaled. I had to google (yes, I know that this is not a verb or adjective) the last guy. Still don’t care. Anyway, after listening to his opening statement, I found that he made valid points. He said that my music would have been hated by the generation before me. So asking his grandmother, she said that he was right. She hated every song that her children played in the house. She had to find music from my generation on her own to like. She loves Lady Gaga. Who would have thought that a 70 year old woman from North Carolina would be a Gaga fan. We were sitting in the car and she was in the back seat. She just says, “you know I like, that Lady Gaga. That girl can sing her heart out”. I asked her if she heard the album she did with Tony Bennett. Turns out she bought it already. She said that today, the music sucks, but there is hope for them out there if they just sit down and get a reality check. I agreed and said that if there was validity in their music, they may have a chance. He said that some of the music is pointless, but that in itself is the point. He won that argument.

The last conversation we had at dinner was about relationships and marriage. I have never been married. He was talking to his married uncle, married grandmother, and divorced mother. He started the conversation by saying that fighting is a good thing. His uncle, who is a pastor, actually agreed with him. But he was shocked that he was the one who said it. His grandmother agreed as well, but his mother didn’t. She asked him to clarify what he said. He said that verbal fights in a relationship shows that you care. If you are willing to battle it out, it shows that you want to show that you have input into your relationship. His mother said that it is all about someone trying to show seniority in the relationship. His uncle had to chime in, and I was waiting for him. He took my godson’s side. He said that fighting is necessary. It is not about seniority, it is more about intention and showing that you care. He said that maybe she is either not fighting right or in the wrong relationship. I wanted to say that there are proper ways to fight with your partner, but I said nothing. I just shook my head, waved “Amen” and walked away.

I learned that even though we had a serious age gap and different generations, conversations can work and be powerful. I learned that if everyone is willing to listen all sides, the conversation can be a success. We have to be intentional with our words. We have to be intentional with our relationships. The thing is that if you cannot be intentional, walk away. You have the choice of either helping, hindering, or ending the relationship. Pick one or let that person go. I have ended friendships and relationships because I didn’t want to invest in them. I couldn’t see how I could be of any help to that person. I have tried to help and support them, but I saw them being a hindrance to themselves, so I left. Their intentions were clear and they wanted to self-destruct. I didn’t want to help them do that, so I left. If you feel that you cannot be intentional in your relationship at 100%, bounce out before it is too late.

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SEE YA LATERS!!!

I heard this song at my pastor’s birthday party:

Social Club Misfits---Social SZN

https://youtu.be/s3mf4TIBRMo

#lifelesson #music #gender #family