Single Parenting

I heard the oddest conversation today on the bus. I was coming home from a friend's house and I overheard two women talking about single parenting. One woman actually said that there should be no such thing as a single mother. She went on to say that men should not leave women to raise their children alone. The other woman said that if the man can pull out or put out, then they should work it out. If they can't raise children, they shouldn't make them. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, but it was starting to make sense. They believe that there is responsibility in raising children and that some guys leave the women to do all of the work. The first woman said that she raised 4 children by herself, and the fathers were never present in her kids' lives. The second woman said that she raised 6 kids after her husband left her for a younger woman.

Part of me wanted to say that it was mostly their fault because they chose to be with these men. Women control the act of sex. Without women, sex is not on the table successfully. We can date all of these men anytime we want, but it is up to us to lock it down and say no. We let men take advantage of us during a weakened state, and blame them for when they leave us high and dry. They kill the soul, and we let them do it. Then, we blame them for getting it done. The power of suggestion can be powerful. People can warp your mind with the neurolinguistics programming and bend us at their will. You would be surprised how easy it is for one to get into your head and you do what they want.

Being a single mother does have its disadvantages. It can suck to raise a child by yourself. My sisters are both single parents, and I know how much they are struggling when they have conflicts in schedule, time, and needing something for themselves. Most of my friends are single parents, and I see how much they are broken because of it. It ruins the psyche and you are now programmed to believe that this is completely your fault. Some think that they cannot be loved and that they are not worthy of having someone in their lives. You are just good enough to have a kid with, not lock down in a relationship for the long haul.

If you are a single mom or dad, all the power in the world to you. It is a stressful job that I could never want. I don't want kids, but I have godchildren, most of them are from single parent homes. They are good kids, but I know that they understand the stress behind their upbringing. In no way am I saying that being a single parent is a bad thing and that you are wrong for doing it. I want people to know that this is an issue in many countries and is a challenge that some people are not ready to take. If you are not ready for that challenge, don't do it. It is a mental challenge that forces you to grow up. It shouldn't take you having a child to grow up. If you are not ready to grow up, then shut it down. Don’t have kids if you are not ready for the thrill ride. Don’t put all of the blame on the absentee parent, take some responsibility for your own role in this situation. Put on your big kid pants and get to work. The next 2 decades are going to be very interesting.

I got off of the bus before the two women, but the conversation got very lively. They said that having these children by themselves had aged them faster. They complained about their deteriorating health, their lack of funds, and their lack of time for self-care. They complained about buying school supplies, endless amounts of food and clothes, and the added expenses for medical care and housing. Yet, they both said that they wouldn't change it for the world. You could tell that they love their children. They may hate the men that helped create the children, but they are grateful of the experience of doing this on their own.

#survival #family #menandwomen #selfcare #relationships