My Last Breakup-This is a long story!

Is there ever a right time to say something? I don't really know. Let me tell you the hardest conversation that I had to have.

I was in Wisconsin on a weekend trip with the last boyfriend. We had been going off and on for years. I knew that stability may be an issue with this relationship. We could not stick it out. We always managed to drift off and find other people. My goodness, was I his hollaback girl? That's horrible. The last conversation took place during our last trip together. We were in our hotel room on the last day of the trip. I had just busted him with his plaything that he paid for their trip to Wisconsin. I told him that I figured it out because of the money discrepancy at the beginning of our trip. I gave this guy $300 to cover my expenses of my hotel room, passes to events, and travel expenses. This guy took my money and paid for his affair partner to get up there and have his own room. I was stuck in a room with him and his plaything got his own room. I was very angry and I let him know it. Then he said something that just shook me to my core. He looked me dead in my face and said “I no longer find you attractive. Being with you has made me realize that I want to be with men”. My mouth just hit the floor. My heart was soon behind it. I wasn't mad because he said that I was no longer attractive. It was the manner of his tone. It was like he said that I was so ugly that I turned him off women completely. I was sitting on my bed and I l laid down. The bed sunk down like the bed had been used in the day. I looked at the pillow and I saw that the mint that was missing. I hadn't used the bed yet, so I knew that the mint should have been there. The guy didn't like the mints and he doesn't eat chocolate. So I knew that he didn't eat it. But it was gone. I pulled the sheets back and there was a mess. The bed was made, military-style, before I left. Someone was in my bed. I smelled the sheets and they smelled like sex and cough syrup. He had sex with someone in my bed, and then tried to remake the bed. Straight up disgusting!

I take the sheets off of the bed and I said that he should try again. I said that he should call her sex partner in to help him. Of course, he denied everything. But I just looked at him. I couldn't talk without wanting to choke him. I could just feel my hands going around his throat, but I knew that I would be in the wrong in the second that I actually did it. He eventually told me that I was right. I was ready to go home, but I knew that we couldn't leave until the morning. I immediately requested that housekeeping come in and change the sheets. I told them that the sheets smelled funny, and that I didn't feel comfortable sleeping in them. They came about 30 minutes later, and I think that the cleaning lady could feel the tension in the room. We were sitting at the tables in the room in silence. I wanted to throw something at him, but I couldn't find anything to do it. She came into the room and she had me check the new sheets before she left. I told her that it was good. Just before she leaves, she asked me to come to the door. I walk with her to the door and closed it. She asked me if everything was okay. She could see the pain and anger in my face. I told her everything. She said, “you should have punched him in the face”. We laughed and she left. But before she left, she told me about a concert going on that night. It was free for the public and she gave me her ticket. She had to work an extra shift, so she couldn't go. We hugged, and she went to the next room. I walked into the room and he is still at his table. But I noticed that he left a ticket on my table. It was to the same concert. I looked at him and tore the ticket up. The look on his face was priceless, and it became a highlight of the night. He still doesn't know that the housekeeper gave me a ticket. He doesn't know that I went to the concert.

The concert was about a few miles from my hotel. But I needed to go to Walgreens to get some sunblock and candy. I ended up walking into a drag queen in the lobby. She asked me where she could find a Walgreens. I told her that I was going there and she could walk with me. So there I was, walking with a 6 foot tall man dressed as a woman to a drug store. We go in and everyone is staring at us. She blew the cashier a kiss and we went to pick out stockings and lipsticks for her. I would eventually see this person on RuPaul's Drag Race a few years later and I was so excited. She didn't win, but she got her dream come true. The concert took place at the Milwaukee Pride Festival, so I had to go into the festival to see the concert. Since I was doing security detail there on the day before, I got in for free.

I would see the queen again once I got in. She called me Lipstick. We never exchanged names or information, just talked about drag history and culture. I went to see her on stage just before the concert. I got a wave and shoutout during her show. I called my guy back at the hotel and he answered on the first ring. I am assuming that his lover was not there. I told him that I was at the festival with some new friends and that I expect my half of the room to be just as I left it. He knew that I would be checking when I got there. I go to the concert and I used my ticket to get up close. It was awesome. I didn't know many of the songs(maybe 3 at the most), but I still had fun.

One of the head security members saw me at the concert and gave me a ride back to the hotel. He was surprised that I was there alone. I told him that I had issues with my partner, but I didn't go into details. I get back to the room and he is not there. I checked the sheets, find nothing, and go to bed. He never came back to the room. The next day, we are packing to leave and there is a knock at the door. It was the same housekeeper from the day before. I go in the hallway with her and thank her for the ticket. I tell her everything that happened. I knew that she came by to check on me. She must have been where I was at mentally. If I learned anything, it is that girls can stick up for each other if they wanted to.

That ride back home was very uncomfortable. We didn't say much to each other. He did apologize, but I was seriously disinterested in that. I just wanted to be at home already. I told him that I wanted to end this relationship when we were at home, but I didn't quite mean that yet. I wasn't ready to let him completely. I need that I had financial benefits rested in this relationship. He was the breadwinner and I was in school full-time. We did break up a few months later, after I was mentally ready to leave. I will never forget the date, 11-11-11. I had to break free. H e told me that I would regret leaving him. He told me that I would regret leaving what he had built for me. I DON'T REGRET ANY OF THAT. He wanted me to quit school and be a housewife. But I had more important things to do. I wanted to be one of the first in my family to graduate from college. So I enrolled in a four-year college on my freedom day and started college two months later.

When I started at Concordia, I gave up my financial freedom, most of my possessions, and my pride. I moved into the dorms at the age of 29. I had a roommate who was lovely. She knew that I was older, but it didn't seem to bother her. She was convinced that I hated her for the first few weeks. So I knew that I had to talk to her about my past. Once we had that conversation, she became one of my best friends. I even liked her boyfriend. He was a true sweetheart, and I knew that she would be with him for the rest of her life. She told me something that I still haven't forgotten. She said that I needed to have that conversation with him. It was the foundation of my maturity when it came to relationships. It was the catalyst for getting me into Concordia. She was absolutely right. I needed to hear him say that he didn't want me, that he didn't love me. That way, there was nothing to stop me from completing my goals. He was a hindrance from completing my education and doing what I believe that I should be doing with my life. He tried to connect with me while I was at Concordia, but I just threw all of the correspondence in th e garbage. He did send me a box of some things that I left at his apartment, but I threw most of it in the trash. I only kept the few clothes that were in the box.

Today, I know that he still loves in the apartment that we shared. He still attends the church that we both grew up in. He is an usher for the morning service. I rarely attend services there anymore. I don't want to see his face. I have healed from the emotional scarring that he left behind, but I cannot deal with his happiness trying to override mine. I remember seeing him a few years ago. He tried to hug me and be friends. I just laughed in his face and walked away. He grabbed me by my arm, and swung me around. I stomped on his foot and told him that he didn't deserve pleasantries from me yet. I was with some female friends. They stood there in silence, waiting for a signal to pounce. We walked down the hallway and I couldn't stop smiling. I had finally gotten over him. It was amazing. When I got my degree in 2013, I sent him a picture of the diploma and a thank you note. I thanked him for his behavior and for giving the chance to walk away. Yes, it was a bit spiteful to throw it in his face. It showed that I did something in spite of him. He didn't want me to finish college, and I did it anyway. I didn't get anything back from him. I didn't expect anything either. I could just imagine how much eyerolling was done that day.

If I saw him today, I would just smile and say hello. I can exchange pleasantries now. It has been 6 years since my freedom day. I have been in a relationship since this guy, but I have felt so much better about myself. I am in my third year in the Masters program now. I am fully invested in my education, something I could not have said if I was with him. That conversation was hard to have at first, but it needed to happen.

To leave you, I say this. You may not know what to say. You may not how to say something. But if you need to say something, just do it. It may free the other person from something that is holding them back from their goals. It may free you from emotional and mental anguish.

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