Love and Marriage

Go together like a horse and carriage. This I tell you, brother. You can't have one without the other.

I am not sorry. It had to be done.

I have married friends. I have friends who are divorced. I have been neither. I cannot speak from personal experience. Often, I get those questions from my church friends about my chosen profession goals. I had one of my girls ask me why I want to be a marriage therapist when I have never been married. She thought that I couldn't bring anything to the table because of my marital status. I quickly corrected her and said that my choice to not marry can make me the best therapist. Just because you don't have experience in something, it doesn't mean that you don't know necessarily what you are talking about. I don't have children, but I can advise on colleges or which baby wipes are awesome. I can tell you about sugar-free and gluten-free items for kids, but I never pushed a baby out of my body.

It does get annoying when people come to me for advice. They hear you that you are a Counseling major and they immediately start spilling their guts. But then I get the looks when I say that I am training for marriage and family therapy, and they know that I am not married. It comes mostly from other women. Side note, women why do downplay other women? Build up, not tear down. Society does it enough for us, we don't need your help in killing the self-esteem. Anyway, I will get the side eye from older women when I say marriage counseling as my major. They say that I cannot get life experience and lessons from textbooks. I just want to say “duh” to them, but I choose to respect my elders. I have learned so much from my friends' marriages and I have applied them to my education. I see the mistakes that they make, and the successes in their lives, and I use that as learning tools. Sometimes, I will put situations from their lives into writing for my class assignments. I swear that my friends helped me pass my Psychology and Family Theory courses with their crazy moments. Their children helped me pass all of my Infancy and Adolescence courses for sure.

I think about the affairs and tragedies that my friends have gone through. I remember the countless hours that I have spent watching them emotionally and physically break down. The weirdest thing is that it has made them better people. I read an interesting article about people having affairs. It said that 70% of cheaters say that their extramarital relationships motivate them to stay physically fit. This article took a survey on Ashley Madison members, about 1100 members in total, and the results show that being a cheater can be exhausting if not done properly. But it takes an emotional toll on the person being cheated on once they find out.

If you see me, go ahead and ask me about marriage and family therapy. Go ahead and ask me about counseling topics. Don't judge my skills as a therapist based on lack of marital experience. Do be surprised about what I can bring to the table.

If you know someone is having issues in their marriage, tell them to find a marriage or family counselor. I do highly suggest premarital counseling outside of the church. You would be surprised what is left out during pastoral counseling. Marriage is more about the wedding day. People plan for the wedding day, but never that stormy day that will come later on. My job as a counselor is to help you plan for that day.

Got a question? Want to write for the blog?

Shoot me an email at narrativetherapygirl@gmail.com

#love #marriage #relationships