Why is so hard to get out of my own way?

Seriously, I ask myself this about once a month. Why is this so hard? Why do I keep stopping myself from achieving the goals that I set for myself. I think that this is part of my mindset. I put myself on hold to help others. I will take a day off and do something for someone's child. They could have easily done the work themselves. I wlll call my friends lazy or say that they lack the initiative or will to do it. I will say that no one can do it better than me. But the truth is that I want to do these things to distract me from real life. There are things that I choose not to face.

I have to face the fact that I may not become a marriage and family therapist in the way that I want to. I may not get that book done. I may not write that cookbook or develop some program for people to use. I may not get those grants to start a non-profit. I may not get the financial backing to start a wedding center that I thought of about 10 years ago. I may not start flipping houses on my own. I may have to live in an apartment or condo instead of owning an actual house. Lord knows I hate shoveling snow! I may never find the right guy for me. Who says that the guy even exists? They say that patience is key. They are right and they are wrong. They are right that if I am patient then God will sort everything out for me. They are wrong in that I should just do things myself instead of waiting for some deity to do it for me.

Today, I pledge to start on something new for the year. This can be something as small of starting a savings account to save for student loans or for my niece to go to college. I want to start a rainy day fund to cover me for emergencies. That is easy enough to do. I am looking for an internship right now. I have already put in applications and talked to therapists over the phone to point me in the right direction. I am putting together my portfolio, and I have updated my resume. I want to push this blog to the next level. So I have put together an advertising plan for social media.

I read about my friends getting married and having children. I know that I will not have children. I am definitely okay with that. It was just something that I never wanted to do. I had a conversation with a friend who was feeling down about this. Social media can be a B**** sometimes. You see all of these posts with your “friends” showing off their new things in life. They have these new kids, spouses, cars, homes, and other stuff. But I have to remember that social media is a lie. People always put the good stuff. They never discuss the struggle. Every selfie had retakes before the right one showed up. Those people are not always that happy. Don't let the smile fool you. Don't let Instagram fool you. It is at tool to point at your viewers and say “look at what I am doing, and isn't my life awesome”. It is the ultimate way to brag. You will never be happy if you keep looking at lies that others put out for you to see. If you turn off that screen and find your true happiness, trust in that it will last a long time. Live your life, not the insta-life.

There are things that I will never do in my life. I have accepted that as fact. I have missed out on a lot of opportunities that I believe that I deserve. There had to be a reason why I didn't get them. I don't know the reason, but it is there somewhere. I was talking to someone last week and they said that something that I will share with you here. A person cannot achieve every goal that they have in life. If they said that they have, they are lying to you. The goals that needed to be met, they have been completed. A person can die knowing a few things: they were loved by someone, they made a difference, and that they did what they were put on this planet to do.

#personality #selfcare